Expectations and realities

If I've learned anything the past year and a half of being in college, it's that I shouldn't automatically assume the best of some people and that they have good intentions.  I've learned that I shouldn't be so quick to open up to people who I think are my friends. I've never really had trust issues, but some experiences that I've had with certain people this year have led me to start keeping people at a distance. I've always given people the benefit of the doubt, even if they don't deserve it.  I guess it's just my personality?

But something weird I've noticed is that sometimes I assume the worst of people and they actually turn out to be pretty cool once I get to know them.  I feel like a lot of people do this, and it just reiterates the whole 'don't judge a book by its cover' thing.



I don't know.  I just think it's weird how life works that way.  Expectations and disappointments. If you expect too much, you end up getting disappointed.  If you don't expect much at all, you end up being pleasantly surprised.

Expectations are usually different than reality.  The scene in 500 Days of Summer,  where they show one side as Tom's expectations of how his re-encounter with Summer is going to be, and they simultaneously show his reality on the other side has always stuck out to me so much because I feel like I can really relate to it.

But why is it that our expectations generally don't match up with our realities?

Acknowledgment

Ok is it really such a crime to want to be acknowledged once in a while? I feel like I put enough effort into being nice to people and I get barely anything in return.
A "how was your weekend?" or "how are you?" would be nice. Is that too much to ask?

Things that have been going through my mind lately

-I hate everything.

-I hate everyone.

-I hate myself.

-I fucking love food, I need to keep eating even though I’m not hungry.

-Holy shit I’m fat, I need to stop eating completely.

-I need to get my shit together.

-I have a million things to do for school. Not doing any of it until the last minute.

-I want to go home.

-I miss everybody at home, but I feel like they don’t miss me.

-Stop looking at me.

-Stop talking to me.

Oh hello there anxiety and depression what up.

If only you knew what goes on inside my head..

I'm convinced you came into my life for a reason.  Maybe you don't feel the same way I do, but there's just something about you.  I hate being in this situation.  I just really want to get to know you.  I wish I was carefree and had the balls to say something but I just really don't.  It would kill me to find out that you don't feel for me what I feel for you.

It's highly unlikely that you do, and I try so so hard not to get my hopes up but the hopeless romantic in me just won't let go.  That little voice in my head saying "maybe he does miss you and maybe he's wondering how you feel about him" contradicts my realistic voice saying "there's no way, you know this happens every time, just give up." Even though my realistic voice is predominant, that other voice can't seem to let go.

I know what's meant to be will be; but how many things aren't meant to be? If that makes any sense..
Whenever I've gotten into this situation and when it doesn't work out I'm always just like alright well I guess it wasn't meant to be...  But how many times can that happen? I'm honestly fucking tired of it.



Maybe I'm just over thinking everything.